More Elevator Speeches

Thursday, April 04, 2019

A correspondent writes:

In my Textual Intervention class last year, we had to explore writing personal ads. The first one was required to be straight. I came up with:

• Australian male, 34, enjoys silence and solitude, and cool, sunny afternoons reading old books. Is there a mid-thirties Christian woman who would complement me?

Then we had to write an alternative based on the original, so I wrote:

• Apparently self-centered Christian man seeks woman to wait patiently while he finishes the chapter. Must love cats.

Finally, we had to write an anti-personal ad (whatever that means). I settled on:

• Damaged goods will never trust another woman as long as he lives. Will reject as similarly damaged any woman who finds herself attracted to him.

No ad is longer than 32 words.

I gingerly put my toes in the water and came up with:

• Tri-national male, 64, enjoys quiet music, conversation, and if that fails, reading old books. Is there a 60s woman from the 60s who would accompany me?

• Easily-bored atheist seeks partner who will trigger his brain and listen to the results. Must hate spending money.

• Self-centered brain seeks fuel to keep the furnaces going. Is not interested in dining-out every night. Respondent must own a car.

Come on, give it a shot (you can lie a little)

Then trying writing a Personal Ad for your business.

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